- When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
- Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
- Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
- A handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
- When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
- On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris brought a dying lamb back to life by nuzzling it with his beard. As the onlookers gathered, the lamb sprang to life. Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked it, killing it instantly. This was just to prove that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
"Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls."I have always held Chuck Norris in fairly high regard. His achievements in martial arts and his outstanding film/television acting have endeared him to me. However, upon learning that he has gone through the trouble of skullifying his ice cream truck, Chuck has become my personal hero. Some people might ask, "why an ice cream truck?" How about because ice cream is freakin' good? Also, I don't think Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck to make money. Dude's worth more than Switzerland. The skulls are to keep nancy-boy kids from chasing him down the street begging for his frozen confections.
And so, in tribute to Chuck Norris' brilliance, I've decided to cover the door to my refrigerator with skulls. Not only will this ensure that my delicious perishables remain safe from would-be moochers, but it will increase the value of my home exponentially.